I would lie in bed and my mind would spin like a movie reel, ideas for inventions that I imagined had never before been thought of. I would think of ways to implement them and become a successful entrepreneur and leave my mark on the world. My spinning mind would take me to the tallest mountains in the world, as I would imagine what it would be like to set foot on the top of Mount Everest, the highest point on earth. I would imagine exploring new frontiers that had never been touched, crossing the ice to the north-pole, or diving to great depths in the ocean. I was a dreamer, or rather I should say I “am” a dreamer, although my mind no longer spins to the point that I cannot sleep anymore. Now I just think fondly of these things and move on.
When I was a younger man, actually from the time I was a teenager I used to have this feeling in my heart that I was meant to do something “great” in my life. It was never one of those things where I thought I was destined for fame or fortune, but rather something quietly. As I grew into a man in my late twenties and early thirties, the feeling only grew stronger, and so I began to channel it into occupational goals. I opened my own company, found willing investors and made a go of it with only my head and my heart as a compass to lead me by; sadly I didn’t spend a whole lot of time seeking God’s direction. I did that for a couple of years and things looked promising until my marriage fell apart before my eyes and my zeal for success died. I gave up my business and focused on my day job and licking my wounds as the course of my life changed drastically.
As the clock of my life ticked away and the crow’s feet began to appear, I became aware that my time for this task of achieving something great in my lifetime was getting shorter. Another business venture, a new novel idea, or perhaps a more personal great new task? I began to wonder if this was just a preprogrammed thing that God places in all of our hearts meant to motivate us through the years of our life. Or was it something I had yet to discover? One thing I did realize over the years is that I seemed to have a problem finishing things I had started, and I had problems with consistency, how would I ever achieve if I didn’t finish what I set out to accomplish in the first place? I would later be told I was ADD, and it clicked that maybe that had something to do with why I had been given Ritalin for years as a child. They had called me hyperactive when I was little, but they had changed the name and given it a new acronym since then, and that would explain a lot. I don’t feel this is a disease or a handicap, I just think sometimes people’s minds are overactive, and I know mine is.
Since I was little, I have always sought the approval of others, my father and mother first and foremost, and have always feared letting them down. When I left the church I was raised in and went elsewhere, I was so afraid of what my father would think that I would always find a way to dance (lie) around the subject. I had moved to another side of town and assured him I was plugged in to the congregation in that area, when I was really attending another place that I knew he would not approve of. I would eventually be led to a different church as we moved once more (where we go now) and God began to speak to my heart, telling me that there was no reason for me to feel bad because I was not following in my earthly father’s steps. He began to place it on my heart that I should be more concerned with what my heavenly Father thinks than my earthly one, that it is better to serve Him where “He” needs me than to be stagnant in my faith to please someone else. He placed it on my heart that His church is not the building you meet at but rather the group you belong to, the group that calls themselves followers of Christ.
I no longer shy away from talking to my father or step mother about where I attend or why, but I am open about things, the way I believe God wants me to be. About the time I had all but given up ever achieving that “one” great thing in my life that I would lie in bed and just “know” I was destined for when I was a teenager, it became clear. I finally knew what it was, and it truly is something great that I now aspire to, but it is something far different than I ever thought it would be and this whole wonderful/painful life has all been preparation for getting it done.
Looking back at the ideas I once had of greatness, the tangible goals of success I had, they seem so shallow compared to the great achievement I now aspire to, Mount Everest is small potatoes when compared to what God has in store for me. And it is not just one thing either, but several things.
1. The 1st great thing for me to do is to die to myself daily and know who my master is. To rise each day with the goal that I will first seek to serve and glorify God in everything I do, and trust him to take care of the rest.
2. The 2nd great thing is that I want to be the best husband, friend, and brother in Christ to my dear wife Stacia that I can possibly be. To be a helpmate to her and to treat her holy and sacred always as does Christ with His church.
3. The 3rd great thing is to be a loving father to my girls and to model Christ before them, to be dependable and consistent with them, and for them to never have to wonder whether or not they are loved, but to be secure in that always.
4. The 4th great thing is for me to drive a stake through the heart of my pride, which is no small task. I have found that God is more than willing to help me with that when I need it, but after the pride is removed, the hole it leaves behind should be filled with humility, mercy and love. To trust God always and to not fear where He leads me, wherever that may be.
5. Lastly, to set aside any worldly ambitions and devote my life to sowing the seed, to fulfilling The Great Commission, hey wait, did you notice that? Not the commission, but the GREAT commission, spending the rest of my life in service to Him.
That great thing I was destined for wasn’t something I was supposed to achieve for myself, but rather to tell others about the greatness of having a Savior, leading others to the God who sacrificed His firstborn and only Son because He loves us. And God has been whispering that into my ears since I was a small boy, it just took me a long time to figure it out. How blessed I am!!! God Bless-JFT