I did my best to sit upright in the class, wishing I wore glasses, thinking that a reflection might allow me to close my eyes a bit. Oh my gosh, this stuff was so dry, they poked through the book of Acts like crash scene investigators piecing together what happened. I listened with twenty-five percent of my brain, just enough to answer a question if they called on me, but this was like shoving bamboo shoots under my fingernails.
This was how I used to feel when I was in Sunday school years ago, when we would study the Bible, I could never connect with the characters as actual people, it was more a study in forensics. Now before I go any further, I want to be clear, this site is not nor will it ever be a platform to rant against anyone or anything. I was raised up in a very legalistic background, and I believe with all of my heart that those folks think they are serving God right. But sometimes we need to step back from our comfort zone and look around, do a self check, check the pulse of our faith, etc. We get an annual physical; there is no reason why we shouldn’t do the same thing with our faith.
One of the things that I remember about church when I grew up is that everyone sat in the same place every week. Several of the old timers positioned themselves either next to or directly behind the large support pillars, depending on if they cared whether the pastor saw them sleeping or not. The ones next to the pillars would lean their heads against it and snore, while the ones behind it would nod expertly in line with the pastor. I remember one week the poor pastor saw so many sleepers that he commented that it made him feel good to know he put so many people at ease. I used to nod off then too, because there wasn’t anything to be too excited about.
Those years were so sad for me, legalistic as could be and nary a clue. If you would have asked me, I would have told you all about how bad legalism was, never for a moment suspecting that I was part and parcel. We were trained to know the bible, so we could show everyone how messed up they were, missing the part about love and Grace, and it is capitalized for a reason, because it is so amazing.
Back then, the Apostles were yellowed text, cracked with age and not pertinent to me today, Jesus was God on earth, a perfect God-Man that I know never had anything in common with the guy who back then ran a forklift in a freezer dock. But it was what my folks did, it was what my wife did, I believed in God, so I needed to just roll with things, and that is what I did. But then the most wonderful thing happened.
The yellow pages began to turn black and white, and they weren’t cracked and broken anymore, the pages became whole. The two thousand year old Apostles were no longer men from other cultures that spoke different languages, that I couldn’t possibly have anything in common with, they became what they were, a bunch of average at best guys. I felt the Saul (the Apostle Paul) trying to swallow the lump in his throat when he encountered the burning speaking bush. I felt the wretched shame tear through Peter’s soul when he heard the Rooster crow, knowing he had let the Lord down, after he had assured him that he was solid, that it wouldn’t happen. The surprise on Thomas face when he “did” find the holes in his Master’s wrists, and he would forever wear the moniker “doubting Thomas”. The funny thing is, it took me being rocked out of that environment painfully, in what would eventually prove to be the biggest blessing of my life.
Yes, these people were no longer “forensic” they were people, but the people who were at the forefront, they were there, they walked with the Master.
That brings me to the best news of all, that guy who drove the forklift in the freezer many years ago, who thought more about making a better life for his family than his everlasting soul, yeah well. Guess what, that God-Man, as hard as this may be to believe, He became a Man, and He knew my name, He had always known my name. When He came down here, He had in fact been a man, He could have left anytime, but He didn’t. Jesus didn’t want to die on the cross, He looked at that future and said “whoa, is there any other way”, but in the end, He said Father, Your will be done. The thing that is really hard to wrap my mind around, always has been, always will be, is that that God-Man cares about me, but oh man, he does.
He snatched me up and I was blessed with a knowledge that managed to escape me for thirty two years of my life. Grace, last night I sat down with my two teen-aged girls to make sure that they understood grace, the blood of Christ and that we can’t work our way to heaven. Yeah, they knew, but my dad and step mom managed to make it eighty years without knowing, just saying. Jesus knows us, every one of us, I don’t know how, but He does. Maybe when Your blood atones for someone’s sin, You just know them, but He does. If church is legalistic and forensic, if you can’t feel the indecision in the Apostle’s, the lump in Paul’s throat, then it is time to do a self check. I am not a fan of church hopping, but the church is us, and I use two criteria. If you are serving, and serving the Lord well, meeting the need well, and you and your family are being fed then you are probably where you should be. Only you can answer that. God Bless-JFT
Thank you for helping us all see what we need to see, about the difference between being legalistic and then it all being real to us. Praying for those self-check times to come when He knows I need them. I want to stay in touch and close with the living Word!
God bless you and your family as He leads you on in grace.
Hi Deb,
I know I have probably beat the subject to death, and I probably should not write on it for a very long while now, it is just that it affected me so very profoundly. Kind of like depression did to Char, you know. I am so grateful for the gift of Grace, that I could never pen enough about it, were the ocean made of ink. God bless-Jim
As a new Christian, a friend told me that I needed to read the New Testament. Two days later I called the man back and said, “I’ve read it. Now what?”
So, I understand how the word can come alive for a person.
Yet, grace takes a little longer to understand, especially for those of us who came out of legalistic churches, as I did. And it takes some experiences.
Yep, there is nothing like the combination of experience, age, pain, and a few beatings 😉 to make us appreciate the blood of Christ for atonement. I wish there was an easier way
Jim, Without Grace we are still lost. So glad that I am found, that those “characters” in the New Testament are so real to me. There are a couple of songs by various artists about Peter that really touch me because I can feel how he felt in the presence of Christ. One in particular is called “The Haunting” by Above the Golden State.” I love it because it puts me right there in Gethsemane and then at the shore of Galilee after His resurrection. Peace, Linda
I love the new song, u always seem to find new music, and I must confess, the giant grizzly throughout is rather distracting. Could just my history with bears. Thanks
LOL! I didn’t even think about your history with your bear! Sorry about that, but I’m glad you liked the song. Peace, Linda
haha, thats cool linda, good song anyway